ARTIST STATEMENT

When I think about the stages of my life pre-addiction, active addiction and active recovery, I think of all the women I have been. Sometimes I do battle with these women; trying to reconcile a version of myself that no longer lives and breathes, though the traces of her remain and texture my life. “You will not regret the past, nor wish to shut the door on it,” is one of the many promises laid out by working through a program of recovery. It refers to accepting that every moment of your life has led you to where you are now, that even your biggest mistakes have laid a foundation for the gifts of your present.

In my recovery process, making art has been integral to reclaiming some of my identity that I thought I’d lost to addiction. When I was newly sober, I clung to the only part of my identity that still made sense: I am a painter. I didn’t know what to make or what to say, but I still went through the motions of putting brush on canvas. Slowly, through this process I was confronted by my hopes, fears, and desires; often manifesting in tableaus depicting my domestic life. As my work took shape, it focused on the performative aspects of cohabitation and questioned my role in observing and being observed.

I am grateful every day that my decisions, good and bad, have gotten me to where I am now. I give thanks to all the women I have been and for all the ways they have supported the framework of my life. These versions of me do not exist side by side in the shape of a triptych, but as layers in the formation of a pentimento.